


Tell Me Why I Love You So

by flamingosarepink



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Happy ending for the win, M/M, Temporarily Unrequited Love, unrequited love that isn't actually unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-07 00:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11612250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamingosarepink/pseuds/flamingosarepink
Summary: Jamie wonders when it all diverged from unrequited feelings to them slowly gravitating towards each other.





	Tell Me Why I Love You So

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guti/gifts), [SixPonderous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SixPonderous/gifts), [blindbatalex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindbatalex/gifts), [ellie_mayflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_mayflower/gifts).



Jamie wonders when it all diverged from unrequited feelings to them slowly gravitating towards each other. 

It happens in a way very suited to Gary’s style of attempting to make things seem unemotional, one night when they’re out with work friends after the other man’s return from Valencia. They’d sort of pushed it if Jamie was honest. Saying that it was just a way to celebrate Gary’s return and that it would be fun for all of them now that he was, in their words, _back in his proper place._ It wasn’t their fault, Jamie supposed. They didn’t exactly know about what had happened. Going out for drinks seemed like too much too soon, too soon to ask them to be stuck in a space with each other for a few hours after that fateful night when he had dared to voice those words on a walk home from dinner; Gary looking at him after the words had been uttered like he’d been sucker punched. The thought alone made Jamie’s heart beat anxiously in his chest like a thousand caged birds yearning to be free, yet here he was going along with it anyway. 

Waiting for Gary to show up at the bar seemed like the worst feeling, for more than a few reasons other than just the fact that Jamie hadn’t seen him in what felt like ages, save for a television screen watching as things at Valencia went from bad to worse then to terrible and to disasterous, as Gary went from tackling it with a certain level of bravado he’d had only as a player to having it all end with being sacked and coming back home with nothing more than damaged pride. Even while everyone was saying with nervous laughter that Gary was doomed to fail after having left, Jamie had hoped in secret for his sake that it would work out. The fact it didn’t made this all the more worse. What had he left for? Had he known that he was going to fail all along? Was he jumping at the first opportunity to get away from Jamie just so he didn’t have to think about how disappointed he’d made the other man feel? 

Seeing Gary walk in was even worse.

Having Gary sitting next to him was nearly unbearable. 

Not that it was any surprise, but Gary didn’t even so much as glance over at him for what seemed like an eternity. It seemed as though every time that Jamie would so much as turn his head in the other man’s direction he just had this innate sense of knowing; looking away right as Jamie’s eyes so much as caught a glimpse of him. Unbeknownst to Jamie, Gary does it out of shame. It would have been one thing if leaving had brought him a moderate amount of success, but all it had done instead was brought him more of the melancholy that he was prone to. He hadn’t been honest with himself when he’d taken the job, and he’d never admit to anyone, but when he had taken the job he was perfectly aware of how it would go. So much as looking at Jamie and simultaneously reliving that feeling of having disappointed not only him but Gary himself was far too much to bear. The last thing he’d ever wanted to do was hurt the other man. Jamie was and is an absolute treasure- far too precious and special for someone like Gary, with all his insecurities and worries about not being good enough. Jamie deserved far more than Gary could give him. 

The evening passes into night without incident, no side glances or brushes of hands. As Gary is the first of them to leave the bar first, Jamie mentally curses himself at the thought of there being a shred of hope things might end up differently as he disappears through the door and out of sight.

Jamie doesn’t see Gary until his first day back. There’s no greeting, just a stifling awkwardness only magnified when Gary dares to let out a heavy breath he found he was holding in as he passes by on his way to his side of the dressing room. He’s mentally exhausted, trying to slip back into old ways here at the studio but finding it difficult. It’s a natural reaction given what happened between them and the fact it seems like Gary is almost punishing himself makes Jamie’s heart ache. 

Surprisingly, the show goes well. The beauty about the two of them is that they manage to make things appear as if Gary never left. They fall into their old patterns quite easily banter and all, but it’s evident there’s an unseen barrier. They get close, but not too close. 

 

\- - - - 

Finally, Jamie just really can’t take it anymore.

Watching Gary punish himself makes his stomach turn anxiously in a way that almost hurts. It’s obvious feelings have changed, there’s something there that wasn’t there before between them. It’s almost as if being without each other gave the two of them just a little bit of perspective that maybe wasn’t there before prior to Gary leaving for Valencia; the kind of perspective that comes along with realizing that there were missed chances and moments where you took the other person for granted. If their past feelings meant anything, Jamie intends to make good on them. You can’t will your feelings to go away, and if Jamie is completely honest his absolutely have not. 

He finds his chance a few days later, on the walk back to their dressing room. Jamie watches Gary pass in front of him almost like a blur as he tries to make it back first once they’ve left set, yet he’s hot on the other man’s heels as they make it down the hallway. They’re almost to the door when Jamie is the first to break the long standing silence, and there’s a tone to his voice that puts his nerves about this out in the open; betraying the serious yet somewhat brave look on his face and in his eyes. “Gary,” He breathes out, almost like its somewhat of a relief to say given that it feels as if he’s been holding it in for ages. Gary’s fingers close around the doorknob of their shared space as Jamie’s fingers reach for Gary’s wrist- finding it barely and enough to keep him in place while it only takes a step for Jamie to stand beside him. At first the fierce and somewhat protective look Gary gives him scares Jamie, but he doesn’t move or make the effort to yank his arm away. 

“I know you’re upset but…-” Jamie’s voice is low, almost a whisper as he closes the distance further, drawing them closer together and then into an embrace. Gary is almost rigid in his arms. “I’m sorry.” His nose brushes against Gary’s left temple as those words are whispered into the skin there. 

It seems like they stay like that for ages and Jamie closes his eyes. He should have expected Gary doing this- He can’t make the other man return feelings he doesn’t have or doesn’t want to accept, so it’s natural it feels almost as if the wind has been knocked out of him once Gary hugs him back- tightly and a little shaky, hiding his face just so in the crook of Jamie’s neck. 

When they part from each other just barely, Gary looks up at Jamie like he’s confused; brow slightly furrowed and eyes not nearly close to being narrow slits. He can’t help but relax, what with the way Jamie’s hand rubs his shoulder in the most comforting and gentle way possible. It makes it very easy for Gary to think about how Jamie is a good man- far more good than he probably deserves, yet he can’t help but let the smallest smile form on his face. Footsteps echo down the hallway from somewhere close but far enough away they can’t tell who it is. At this point, the two of them move away from each other to retreat into the privacy of their dressing room, together at last with absolutely no doubt of their feelings for each other. 

Their nights at Jamie’s ever familiar flat going over show material start again almost a week later, which concludes with Gary crawling into bed. Naturally he’s the first one in it, watching the other man just so over the top of the sheets which he’s pulled up to his chin as Jamie turns out the bathroom light. The only source of light in the room is lightly peeking out from between spaces in the blinds, muted orange light from a street lamp outside. It’s somewhat of a pleasant surprise for Jamie when he feels Gary shift closer to him so that he’s curled against his side with his head resting on his chest and Jamie can’t hold back on pressing a featherlight kiss to Gary’s forehead. 

\- - - - 

While naturally the two of them are quite careful about hiding any hints of romantic feelings, they obviously aren’t nearly as careful as they need to be, but then again nothing gets by Phil. 

He joins them while they’re reporting pitchside at the Manchester Derby a month down the road as a guest pundit, and if Phil’s honest he can tell something is up between his brother and Jamie almost right off. It’s nothing that would be considered blatantly obvious to anyone else except a brother’s knowing and watchful eye; featherlight touches to Jamie’s elbow that come off more soft than they should when they’re laughing during various stages of banter after having put on their suit jackets before walking out onto the pitch at Old Trafford, Jamie looking over at Gary with a barely there smile betrayed by the look in his eyes as the other man looks out in wonder at the sheer expanse of what was his home ground for years, his sense of pride for the club unwavering and infinite. Jamie knows that feeling all too well after his years at Liverpool. Despite having been rivals back then and still speaking with a competitive edge when their respective clubs are mentioned in the same breath, it’s one of the things that Jamie loves about sharing with Gary- the feeling of loving something larger than yourself. It’s what makes the two of them work, Phil supposes. 

The match ends with a United win, not as riveting as in years past but still with plenty of drama.

Phil spends the night at Gary’s flat, craving the time he doesn’t get to spend enough of with him. He ends up cooking dinner seeing how utterly useless his older brother is at it, and while they’re cleaning up the kitchen afterwards, Phil can’t resist making a jest.

“So is Jamie going to cook for you when you move in together seeing as you can’t?” 

Gary turns to look at him, blinking bleary-eyed out of near shock at his brother whilst in the middle of running a dish under the tap. He has both eyebrows raised nearly and mouth slightly open. “What?” is the only word he can muster out.

“Listen,” Phil begin, all too heedful of the fact that he REALLY doesn’t want to meddle in this more than he already has as he reaches back into a cabinet to put a freshly dried dish away. “ I don’t really know what to say, but what is the story with you two?” He asks, and right then Gary knows he’s been caught in the act of being in love with a Scouse, _not the worst thing that could happen in the world_ , he thinks to himself. No, the worst thing in the world already happened and it feels lightyears away from now. 

Gary is at a lost for words, not quite sure how to respond. 

“I don’t really know.” Is what he settles on saying. Phil is not satisfied with that answer.

“Well, all I know is that if the two of you aren’t dating then maybe you should be. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and the way you look back for that matter. Don’t let a man like that get away.” 

While Phil doesn’t mean for it to sting like it does, it just has a way of feeling like salt in a wound for Gary- that at some point in which he would prefer to forget, that he almost let Jamie get away. Not that he ever will, given that lessons have been well learned.

On the last night of Phil’s stay at Gary’s the next day, Jamie joins the two of them for dinner. Gary heads back inside to retrieve a bottle of wine leaving Jamie and Phil by themselves on the back patio where they’ve retreated to once the meal was at its conclusion. There’s a back and forth of banter between them about various different topics before Phil brings the more serious matter at hand to light once again. “He likes you a lot you know, truly he does.” It’s not like he has to drill the point home with Jamie, the other man is smart enough to know exactly what Phil means; Jamie has been well aware of his feelings for a while and it probably is why he looks back in direction of the French doors that give him a view of the kitchen as Gary leans up to reach in a cabinet for a wine glass that’s slightly out of his reach. Phil just simply watches them closely once Gary walks back out, wine bottle in one hand and wine glasses held between fingers in the other. He notices the way they sit close but not too close, always trying to evade the obvious. 

At some point in the night, Jamie excuses himself once he figures that the two brothers should have the remainder of the night to themselves given Phil has to leave in the morning. When he stands, first bidding Phil goodbye with a smile traditional among friends and then moving on to Gary. It’s simple enough, nothing hinting at the potential between the two of them. “Goodnight, Gary.” He says with a tender softness, like it’s been something he’s been wanting to say for ages now.

To some effect, he has. 

What happens next seems like it takes longer than it actually does, perhaps as if in slow motion. Jamie disappears into the house and then out of sight. Gary heads back inside before Phil does and for once he assumes nothing. Phil is the one who gathers up wine glasses, sets them in the sink and slips the bottle back in the fridge after he’s corked it. From his place in the kitchen he hears hushed voices, a chuckle and seemingly mumbled words followed by silence. Naturally it doesn’t take much to capture Phil’s interest, and while was not privy to what had been said, he could only guess. Light and quiet footsteps lead him to the mouth of the entranceway, barely peeking out from around the corner as to not reveal his secret.

Jamie has Gary’s face in his hands, his thumb absentmindedly brushing over a cheekbone. Gary’s pressing close to him with fingers snaked through the belt loops of the other man’s jeans, keeping him close lest he floats away like a leaf in the wind again, this time getting away. The kiss is soft and gentle, something shared easily between lovers and not desperate in any way; just perfectly content in the quiet peace of Gary’s house. Phil smiles like a madman at this turn of events and ducks behind the corner again, now hidden from view as he heads back to the kitchen. 

_All is right with the world_ , he thinks to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a loose translation of a lyric from a song by Phoenix called Goodbye Soleil, and it goes something like "Dis-moi pourquoi comment je t'aime" or "Tell me why I love you so." It seemed oddly appropriate, so thus it became the title!


End file.
